Back to Reality
by njborba
Summary: Catherine suffers an accident that leads to a rather unexpected holiday.


Disclaimer: I do not own any rights to the TV series, _Hawaii Five-0_.

**This was my attempt at a short, fluffy McRoll Christmas story... kind of failed on some of those marks. But please enjoy :)**

* * *

**Back to Reality**

By  
N. J. Borba

* * *

She blinked once. Twice. Finally her eyes opened enough to focus.

His face was the first thing she saw, smiling and yet concerned all at the same time. "Hi there," Steve greeted her. "How you feeling?" he reached over to gingerly touch the left side of her head. "The stitches aren't pretty, but the doctor says you're lucky it wasn't worse. You've got a bit of a nasty concussion, been in and out the last few hours," Steve explained. "But you can go home whenever you feel like it," he explained. "I've already got you checked out of here, just waiting for you to wake up."

"You can do that?" Catherine asked, lifting the fingers of her left hand to feel along the raised line of stitches. She glanced around the hospital room, "Don't I need to sign something?"

"Already done," he assured her with a quick nod before he stood. "Think you're ready to leave?"

Catherine exhaled and used both hands to push against the hospital bed. "Not going to say no to that offer. You know I'm not a fan of hospitals," she swung her legs over one side and got to her feet. But she instantly felt woozy and stumbled forward.

Steve caught her, one arm about her waist and the other grasping hold of her right arm. "Easy there," he coaxed. "Let me help. That's what I'm here for."

"Thank you," she smiled gratefully and leaned on him for support. "It's good to have… friends." The word friends stuck a little sideways in her throat. Catherine wasn't exactly sure what state their relationship was in. Even though they were living together, and working together, they still couldn't seem to use the term boyfriend or girlfriend with any type of regularity or conviction, not to mention uttering the three words that would cement things for good.

He grinned with some sort of mischievous twinkle in his eyes which made Catherine's stomach flip-flop. "Nice try, but thank you isn't going to save you from the wheelchair ride," Steve nodded toward the hallway and the blonde female nurse standing behind a wheelchair. He heard the groan from Catherine's lips even before it fully escaped. "Come on, just a short ride to the truck and then I'll get you home. Scout's honor."

"Were you ever a Boy Scout?" Catherine asked, distracted enough to allow Steve and the nurse to situate her in the wheelchair.

Steve thanked the nurse and they headed down the hall.

"Of course I was a Scout," he finally answered. "I told you about that several years ago," Steve reminded her.

She tried to recall any such conversation but drew a blank. Didn't matter, though. Catherine was glad just to have his company, and to learn new things about him. They reached the door and she was happy to get out of the chair, but her legs were sill wobbly as they exited the hospital. "I got you," Steve helped her walk. "Thankfully the truck is right here," he motioned with one hand, killing the truck's alarm and unlocking the doors with his key fob. "They let me park close in order to pick you up."

"Nice of them… still doesn't make me like hospitals, though," Catherine was actually quite grateful as he opened the passenger door for her and helped her into the seat.

"I can think of a few trips to the hospital that weren't so bad," Steve remarked.

Catherine frowned at that comment, pretty sure he was joking with her. "Thanks, but I can at least handle this," she stopped him short of belting her in like she was a little kid incapable of doing it herself. His attention was sweet, but she was still pretty confused. "So… what happened?" she finally asked. "The accident or… whatever it was that gave me this concussion."

"You don't remember?" Steve slipped into the driver's seat and turned the engine over. He pulled out onto the main street.

"Not really… no," Catherine realized. She figured it had something to do with a case, but her memories were muddled. It was dark out, but the sky was clear and sprinkled with stars. She closed her eyes for a moment, in the hopes Steve would fill in the gaps. She was lulled by the gentle rumble of Steve's truck, "I can't wait to be home and in my bed." The next thing she knew the vehicle had stopped and she opened her eyes. "Did I fall asleep?"

He laughed. "Yep, even snored a little," his smile was teasing. "I was about to tell you what happened, next thing I knew you were out. The doctor said that would probably keep happening, and I'm supposed to wake you up every couple hours if you don't wake up automatically."

"Sounds like a fun job for you. What if you fall asleep?" she asked, unfastening her belt as she glanced across the front lawn, happy to be home.

"I never fall asleep when there's an important mission to be done," he assured her.

Catherine smiled again when he opened the truck's door for her. She took the arm he offered for support and followed him up the walk. Catherine waited as he keyed open the door and held it for her. They stepped inside and Steve dropped his keys on a table by the door. "Would you like something to drink?" Steve asked, "Some of your favorite chamomile tea?"

She was still feeling a bit unsettled and sat down on the sofa to rest. "We have tea?" the question escaped along with a yawn. "We never keep tea around. We're coffee drinkers."

"Cath, you've been off coffee for a while," Steve glanced down at her with a wrinkled brow. "You drink tea because you've been…" he trailed off, shaking his head. "Not important. The doctor said you might be a little disoriented for a few days, even up to a week. Maybe you'd like to take a shower before bed?"

Another yawn escaped even though she was about to nod in agreement to his shower idea, especially if he planned to join her. But her thoughts became troubled when she spotted several striped pillows on the sofa. "Where'd these come from?" Catherine asked, pulling one closer to examine it. "Did you buy these?"

His head shook. "No, that was all you and Kono a few weeks ago. For some reason the two of you shopping together always leads to our house being redecorated."

"Steve…" her mouth hung open for a moment. "We haven't shopped together in a long time. Kono has been gone for months."

"Gone where, sweetie?" Steve prodded.

Her mind got so stuck on him calling her sweetie that she couldn't think how to respond.

"Hey, you're finally home," a voice called out from half way up the stairs.

"Danny," Catherine stood, sighing with a note of relief. "Thank goodness, this was just a joke. You guys are pulling some sort of Five-0 initiation thing on me, right?"

Danny wrapped his arms around Catherine. "I was worried about you," he conveyed. "But we all know what a hard head you have," he pulled back, smiling and shooting Steve a relieved grin. "Grace had a friend's party to attend tonight so Rachel picked her up early. But I managed to get the girls asleep all by myself," he proudly reported. "Only took three books, one bottle, a ten minute search for Mr. Bunny and at least a couple dozen reassurances that they'd get to see mommy first thing in the morning."

"Thanks, Danny," Steve clapped his friend on the back. "I really appreciate it, you're the best. And thank Grace for all her help last night and today."

"I will," Danny was already half-way to the door, snatching up his cell phone and keys as he went. "I'll see you two later," he waved without turning around, letting his self out.

Catherine sat back down and tried to start over. "Who are the girls?" she asked. "Is Mary staying here with someone?"

His eyes narrowed a little, concern for her growing. "You know Mary lives in California with her fiancé, Kyle," Steve replied. "Cath, are you sure you're feeling okay?" he asked as he sat down beside her on the sofa.

"No, I… I don't know," Catherine stammered, her heart racing a bit as she looked at the decorative pillows again. "You've changed some stuff," her eyes darted around the room noticing other things that were definitely not the way she'd last left them. She hadn't done much of anything to his family home since moving in, aside from adding her clothes and a few other small items. "I've never seen these pillows before, Steve. And Kono has been away for months looking for Adam after all of that stuff with the Yakuza went down."

Steve scooted closer and took her hand in his. "Can you tell me what day it is?"

Her nose wrinkled. "Excuse me?"

"The day, today…" he extrapolated. "Day of the week, month… year?"

She shrugged. "Last I recall it was December 31st, 2013. Why? I suppose you're going to tell me it's 2018 and I've lost five years of my life due to amnesia from the bump on my head, which I actually can't remember how I got. And you haven't told me yet."

"Huh," Steve's head shook, a little confused himself. "No, it's still 2013," he confirmed. "But it's only December 23rd. Or, as Laney likes to call it… Christmas Eve Eve," he grinned, but could see that Catherine wasn't smiling or amused. "I'm not sure why you don't recognize the pillows or seem to know about the girls."

"Because I've never seen these before," she stated, glaring at the pillows. Catherine was too afraid to ask about who the girls were again. "There's a ton of stuff in this place I don't recognize," she realized, noticing that the pillows were just a small part of it.

"Catherine, honey…" he reached for her hand again but was surprised when she pulled away. "This place is your home… _our_ home. You moved in here six years ago, about a year before we got married, which made your mother a little disappointed. She's pretty old fashioned when she wants to be." He could still see the confusion in her eyes. "Remember, my parents decided to buy that smaller place on the big island for their retirement and they gave us this house as a wedding gift."

Catherine jumped up, fighting off the wooziness she was still feeling. "This is crazy. You almost had me going there for a second, Steve. But…" before she could say another word, something across the room caught her eye.

The living room was fully decorated for the holidays. A tall, fake evergreen Christmas tree with popcorn strings and dozens of ornaments stood in the corner. And a carved wood mantle had been added to the end wall. Even though there was no actual fireplace in the living room, the mantle gave it the feel of one. Four colorful Christmas stockings were hung there on shiny brass hooks. And more fake evergreen branches lined the top of the mantle, white lights woven within.

But her focus landed on several framed photos atop the mantle. Catherine slowly walked toward them, drawn to one picture in particular. Her lips felt dry as she starred at the photograph for a long time. Finally she plucked it off the mantle and shook her head. "What the hell is this?" she spun around to face Steve again.

Treading lightly, Steve walked over but kept a safe distance. He couldn't help smiling at the image she was holding. "That's the family photo we had taken for Christmas."

Her eyes couldn't seem to leave the photo. In the image she had on a red blouse and black skirt. Steve was standing to her left wearing black slacks and a button up black shirt. Their smiles were brighter than any she thought possible. But none of that seemed entirely too odd. It was the kids in the picture that shocked her. A baby on her hip and another little one clinging to Steve's waist, two little girls with dark hair and brown eyes that were dressed in green velvet dresses.

"Apparently the accident caused more damage than the doctor was able to determine right away," Steve guessed.

"You think I'm brain damaged?" Catherine retorted. She waved the photo at him. "I'm not the one with strange photo-shopped pictures in my house, framed no less. I don't know where you found those kids, but they actually look a lot like us," Catherine noticed upon further inspection. "Which is all the more creepy," she whispered.

Steve did his best not to be upset at her reaction. He remained as calm as possible. "Cath, those are our girls, your daughters. Delaney turned four almost two months ago and Tessa will be eight months next week. Surely you remember them."

"Of course I don't remember them. I've never laid eyes on them before," she placed the picture back on the faux mantle.

"But you gave birth to them," he was firm without being cross.

Her head shook in denial. "No, I'm pretty sure I'd remember giving birth… twice…" Catherine still couldn't help staring at the picture. "They look so much like I imagine our kids would look," she remarked. "Not that I ever really have…" Catherine trailed off, more confused than before. There had been passing thoughts about having kids with Steve, but she knew they were nowhere near that stage in their lives yet.

He could see she was tired and he didn't want to stress or fatigue her any more than he already clearly was. "Why don't you head upstairs, take a shower if you like and then get some rest. I have a feeling everything will right itself in the morning," he tried to sound encouraging.

"My bed…" Catherine sighed wistfully.

"Is upstairs," Steve insisted. "And I promise I won't sleep in it tonight if you don't want me to. Not until you're feeling better," he offered. "Follow me?"

She finally agreed with a nod, too tired to argue. Catherine walked a couple paces behind him up the stairs.

Her eyes fell upon the closed doors further down the hall and she couldn't help her thoughts from drifting. She wondered if the two little girls from that photo were asleep inside those rooms, wondered if they were real and not just something she'd seen in a picture. When she entered their bedroom Catherine instantly relaxed. It was the most familiar thing to her, the bed still the same, nothing terribly out of place that she noticed. And she could smell the ocean from the cracked window above their bed.

It felt like a sanctuary, the same way her bedrooms had always felt through the years.

"Your nightgowns and sleep t-shirts are in the second drawer, in case you forgot," Steve aimed a finger toward a cream-colored chest of drawers to her right.

"Thanks," her reply was barely a whisper.

Steve sighed, "So, you make yourself comfortable and… I'll probably be back to check on you in a few hours."

Catherine stood in the middle of the room staring at him. She couldn't help notice that he looked stuck somewhere between wanting to wrap his arms around her and knowing he shouldn't make any alarming advances toward her. "Okay," she gently agreed. "But I'm sure I'll be sleeping, you don't really have to worry."

"I always worry about you, Catherine," with that Steve slipped out of the room.

000

Almost exactly two hours had passed when she heard him creep back into the bedroom.

She had her eyes closed but wasn't asleep. Even as tired as she'd been, Catherine hadn't been able to fall asleep. There were still far too many confused thoughts wandering through her throbbing head. Catherine felt the bed depress on her right side. She lay as still and silent as possible as one of his arms brushed against hers. She fought hard not to curl into the warmth his body was giving off. It wasn't right, though. It wasn't real. At least not the reality she knew.

"Cath?" he whispered her name against her ear.

His soft, warm breath caused her to exhale a little louder than she'd planned. But Catherine continued to feign sleep.

"I love you," Steve spoke those three words as easily as if he'd been saying them to her for years. "Sleep well. We'll figure this all out in the morning. That's a promise," he concluded, placing a tender kiss against her cheek.

Catherine still didn't say a word as he left the bed and exited the room, but she believed in his love. She'd never heard him say those words to her before and yet she believed he'd try his best to figure out the situation. As she sat up and pushed away the sheets, Catherine wanted to believe he could make everything right. But she was frightened of the reality that he believed in. So frightened she shed her pajamas and pulled on clean clothes, socks and shoes. Then she waited for a long time before exiting the bedroom.

She crept down the stairs and stood in the living room where Steve lay on the sofa, softly snoring.

"Sorry," she whispered an apology to him. "But something just isn't right about all of this."

With those sentiments expelled, Catherine very quietly snuck out of the house.

000

"Mommy!" an exuberant shout carried across the backyard.

Catherine looked up from her spot on the sandy beach, hearing the noise behind her.

A little girl rushed toward her, messy dark hair flying in all directions at once. She was dressed in a pink cotton nightgown with white hearts, bare feet slapping against the grass and then the sand. As she neared, Catherine could make out a stuffed gray rabbit tucked protectively under her right arm. "Mommy, I miss you lots," the girl spoke in a softer tone as she made no hesitation to plop herself down on Catherine's lap. "Uncy Dandan said you be home when we woked up, but you weren't in your bed this morning. I was worried."

It was hard not to smile at the little girl's sweet innocence. Catherine was amazed by how the child snuggled up to her, one arm wrapped securely about her neck, another at her waist.

"Delaney?" Catherine recalled the older child's name.

The girl looked up with worried eyes. "Does your owie hurt, mommy?" Delaney asked. "I'll kiss it for you. You always kiss my owies," the child got up and softly kissed the bandage.

"Thank you, I feel better already," Catherine was touched.

"Daddy was on the sofa this morning, he said you was feeling bad," the girl snuggled back down. "Then baby Tessa cried 'cause she had a real messy diaper. Daddy called her a stinky peanut, but I said that was mean and he'd give her a complex."

She was pretty sure Steve had mentioned the girl to be four, but Catherine thought she sounded much wiser than that. "Do you know what the word complex means?"

Delaney shrugged. "Nope. You says it a lot, mommy. Daddy say I mim… uh, mimi… I do everything like you do," she grinned.

"Mimic," Catherine chuckled softly. The child actually reminded her of Steve a lot, nearly every facial characteristic was the same aside from her brown eyes. She was tall and lean, but clearly strong by the way she remained tightly clinging to Catherine's waist and neck. "Where is Ste… your daddy?" she asked.

"He had to rescue Tessa from baby jail," the girl giggled. "I was helping daddy change her when we sawed you down here on the beach so I camed to see you," she concluded, leaning against Catherine's chest again as she snuggled her bunny.

"Sorry, I let her get away from me," Steve said as he joined them.

Catherine looked up to see a baby securely held against his left side, chubby legs dangling. She had a shock of dark hair, two tiny front teeth and drool dribbling down her chin.

"Morning," he greeted with a smile, sitting down beside her. The baby immediately rocked forward, reached out for Catherine. Steve kept the baby close, seeing Delaney was already hogging Catherine's lap. He patted Delaney's tousled hair. "I didn't think she'd take off on me like that. I wanted to warn you a little about the girls since you were so disoriented last night. I figured seeing them might be a bit of a shock, unless you… are you still feeling confused?"

"Is this… real?" Catherine asked in return, looking into Steve's eyes for her answer.

"This is our life," he shrugged, her words a confirmation that she still wasn't herself, "Only one I've ever known."

She found herself mindlessly stroking Delaney's dark hair, inhaling the sweet smell of strawberry shampoo. Catherine looked to Steve again. "I got up at about three this morning, you were asleep on the sofa," she said.

"Sorry," Steve felt bad for falling down on the job.

"I took off," Catherine revealed. "I ran away from here, or at least I tried to," she sighed. "I didn't get very far in my attempt once I realized I didn't know where else to go. I just ended up walking along the beach for a while, thinking about… everything."

"Figured a good night's sleep would get you back to your old self again," Steve remarked. "But when I woke up and heard the baby crying, I… you can barely ever stand to let the baby cry. Then Delaney told me you weren't in bed and… you really still don't remember our life here?" he asked again.

Her head shook. "Not like this," she said. "Not with kids and…" Catherine glanced at the solitary diamond ring on her left hand, having finally noticed it at some point while she'd been sitting on the beach that morning. She took a deep breath as she felt the baby grasp her hand and begin to gnaw on her fingers. "The place or time I'm from…" she wasn't sure how to word it correctly. "As far as my memory serves, none of this is real."

"Sounds like a pretty crappy reality to me," Steve immediately replied. "I knew I loved you pretty much from the first moment I first saw you at the academy, and this… us married and having kids, this has been my end game ever since that moment."

"Academy?" Catherine asked, wondering if they were still in the Navy in his reality.

"Honolulu Police Academy," he clarified. "We joined at the same time, almost ten years ago now," Steve tried to jog her memory. "I'd been working a lot of dead-end jobs, trying to find myself. Also trying not to follow in my father's footsteps, but… best laid plans," he chuckled. "And you'd just moved here from the East Coast of the mainland, looking for a completely different setting at the time, a whole new life. Your parents moved out here a year later."

"My parents moved to Hawaii?" she was surprised.

"Sure did," Steve nodded. "Your dad is pretty high up on the Pearl-Hickman chain of command."

"Granma Liz lives down the street, mommy," Delaney added. "She makes the best peanut butter cookies, ever."

Catherine smiled and nodded. "You're right, kiddo, she does," Catherine was glad at least some things remained the same. Her eyes caught Steve's again. "So we're cops?" she asked, "Is that how I got hurt yesterday?"

He nodded. "You promised me the undercover assignments were going to end after baby number two," Steve glanced down at the little girl still chewing on Catherine's hand. "But seven months after Tessa was born you managed to convince me that special ops needed you back."

"And you have a hard time denying me anything," Catherine smiled knowingly.

"Memory loss or not, you got that one right," he admitted.

Delaney extracted herself from Catherine's lap and sat herself down in the sand with her stuffed rabbit, facing her parents. "Can we have animal pancakes for breakfast, mommy?" she asked while drawing something in the sand with her finger. The girl looked up suddenly, a spark of jubilation in her eyes. "It's Christmas Eve!" she realized.

"It is Christmas Eve, princess," Steve replied. "Which means you can have anything you want for breakfast."

"Hey, uh… _anything_ kinda seems like a strong word," Catherine intervened. "I think your daddy means anything that doesn't involve a ton of sugar," she amended. When she caught Steve starring at her with questioning eyes she just shrugged. "Seemed like a parent thing to say," she retorted. "Actually I felt a bit like I was channeling my mother," Catherine grinned, pulling the baby off his lap. "I'm thinking this one is hungry, too, judging by the way she's trying to eat my hand. Her little teeth are like razors."

"She's cutting another one," Steve remarked, "And is probably hungry, too."

The family of four got up and walked back to the house, Catherine carrying the baby like she'd been doing it all her life. Steve held Delaney's hand.

Inside the kitchen Catherine managed to get the baby strapped into a highchair without too much trouble. "What does she eat?" Catherine had to ask Steve.

"Do you remember how to make pancakes?" he countered.

"I do actually remember that," she nodded.

"Good, then you can tackle pancakes and I'll feed the baby," Steve offered.

Catherine found most things to be in the same place as the kitchen she remembered. And the few things she couldn't find where located by her half-sized helper, Delaney. As the two of them mixed up flour, eggs and water, Catherine watched Steve. He pulled a bottle out of the fridge and placed it into some sort of bottle warmer that had never lived on their counter before. Then he opened a jar of orange mush and began to feed the little girl who practically inhaled it.

"So, we met at the police academy," she said while mixing, "Then what?"

Steve smiled as he waved another heaping spoonful of mashed apricot in front of the baby's mouth. "You asked me out on a date."

"Wait a sec," Catherine paused her stirring motion. "You mentioned love at first sight, but I asked you out?"

He chuckled. "You were intimidating. Smart, sexy, strong-willed… I didn't think I stood much of a chance. And you had this 'stay away' vibe going on. But one day after we'd just been running a training obstacle course you came right up and asked if I wanted to go to the shooting range with you."

"Our first date was at a shooting range?" she chuckled.

"Sort of. The day started off there," Steve explained. "But I surprised you, bought some deli items and set up a picnic on the beach for us," he smiled, "Then I realized you hadn't meant the day to be a date, just friends hanging out. I didn't give up, though. Eventually I got a first kiss from you… months later."

She recalled that their first date – the one she remembered – had not involved shooting or a beach. "Why was I giving you a 'stay away' vibe? Why'd I just want to be friends?"

His face turned serious and he glanced over at Delaney. "I didn't know at the time, but… your first husband, Matthew," Steve practically whispered the name. "After the way he treated you," Steve sighed, looking like he wanted to punch someone. "The first time I told you how beautiful I thought you were you started to cry and I had no idea why. I was worried, but then you finally told me how he'd abused you. Not physically at all, but the words…"

Catherine tried to digest all that information, being married to someone who'd verbally abused her. It felt like a nightmare, and not anything she ever would've put up with. And yet she did recall a high school boyfriend named Matthew Reynolds who'd turned out to be the sort of jerk she could imagine as an abusive husband. "So that's the reason why I moved out here?" she finally asked, "To get away from him?"

Steve nodded, "Took me a good three years to finally win you over completely. Time well spent," he grinned happily. "I asked you to marry me the evening of my dad's retirement party from the police force. We went for a walk along the beach and…"

"Hold on, is your dad still alive?" Catherine interrupted, vaguely recalling what he'd said last night about his parents living on the big island. "And your mom is…"

"Yes, of course my dad is alive," Steve glanced over to see Delaney still helping with the pancakes, worried about everything she was overhearing. "Catherine, he and mom are planning to be here tomorrow morning. And Mary and her fiancé are flying in. We're all spending Christmas together here at our place this year," he stated. "You don't remember any of this?"

"I don't even remember having two kids, so… no," she shook her head, noticing the concerned glance Delaney shot her.

"You know what, I can tell them we have to cancel tomorrow's plans," Steve offered. "It's not too late to call things off. Maybe my parents can visit their friends on Maui. And I'll call Mary so she doesn't leave California on that redeye tonight. She and Kyle can easily go to Aunt Deb's for Christmas. You and I and the girls can just have a simple private holiday. We were going to have the big gathering since its Tessa's first Christmas, but… Tessa will never remember it anyhow, so…"

"But your parents and mine, Mary, they'll always remember that they weren't here for Tessa's first Christmas," Catherine realized. "It'll be fine. They should all be here as planned."

"You sure?" he checked.

She nodded. "Definitely. I don't want to ruin Christmas for anyone, especially not the girls," Catherine already found that she was growing attached. She watched as Steve wiped the baby's face and lifted her out of the highchair. He nestled the little girl in the crook of one arm, grabbed the warm bottle and gently enticed the girl with the nipple. Tessa latched on immediately with both hands and mouth. She sucked with as much gusto as she'd downed the apricots.

Steve caught Catherine staring at him again. "What?"

"Nothing, you just seem so at ease doing that," Catherine remarked.

"Certainly a lot easier the second time around," he shrugged. "With Delaney I was pretty much always nervous I'd do something wrong," Steve admitted. "Does this seem strange to you?" he asked. "You really don't remember any of this, not even with Delaney?"

"No, in my reality we… you and I have never even mentioned kids, let alone marriage," she relayed, leaving out the part where they'd never said I love you either.

"I don't think I'd like that reality very much," Steve concluded.

000

Catherine kissed Delaney's soft cheek. "Goodnight," she whispered.

"Night, mommy," the girl tiredly mumbled as she snuggled with her stuffed rabbit.

Every time that day when the girl had called her mommy, Catherine's heart had clenched a little. At first from fear, then nervousness, but over the course of just one day it had slowly become something she thought of as a special little gift shared between herself and the precocious four-year-old. "Sleep tight," Catherine said, recalling how her mother had always included the saying as part of her bedtime routine.

"Don't let the bedbugs bite," Delaney whispered.

Her response confirmed that it was something Catherine had passed along.

She backed out of the room, closed the door and met Steve in the hall. "The baby is asleep," he informed her. "I know weaning her off breastfeeding has been tough on you lately, but the formula has seriously helped her belly stay full all night, which means more sleep for us," Steve grinned, "Although, tonight we have to put on our Santa caps."

He led her downstairs. Steve opened the door beneath the stairs and pulled a large plastic bag out. "Santa has arrived," he declared.

They moved into the living room and Steve sat the bag down in front of the lit Christmas tree. "I can't believe this is already our fourth Christmas playing Santa," he remarked as they both sat down on the floor in front of the tree. "Laney was just two months old for her first Christmas so we didn't have much in the way of gifts, just the big gathering. Last Christmas was probably the best since she was finally at a fun age for the morning gift opening thing."

Catherine watched him pull several items from the bag, one large box and a few smaller ones, some chunky storybooks, a soft stuffed puppy dog and a set of fabric blocks. "What is that?" she pointed to the largest box which had a picture of a house on it.

"This is the Lakeside Lodge," Steve said as he pried open the box and began to pull plastic pieces out.

"You say that like I'm meant to know what it is," she glanced at the box. "A doll house?"

"Not dolls, Calico Critters," he corrected. "The Cottontail Family, to be exact."

Soft laughter escaped her mouth as she watched him say the words with a straight face, "Cottontail family, as in, rabbits?"

He held up a smaller box and revealed two small flocked plastic rabbit figures inside. "We got the twin baby rabbits this year, to go with the rest of the Cottontail family," Steve smiled as he glanced at the box. "New additions are Angelica and Comfrey."

"You're a really good dad," Catherine realized.

His smile was one filled with pride. "When you first told me you were pregnant I figured for sure we'd have a boy, and I'd be putting together train sets or Lego castles for Christmas."

"But you love the girls," she knew that even without asking.

"So do you," Steve replied. "The baby rabbits were actually your idea, Cath. You wanted to use Laney's favorite toys to help her adjust to life with a new sibling in the house. She's been pretty good about Tessa, but there have been some screaming jealousy moments," Steve sighed. "I guess sibling rivalry is something we have to look forward to for years to come." He caught her staring at him. "What?" Steve could tell something was on her mind.

"You… you're different than the Steve I know… the one I…" she still wasn't sure how to explain what was going on. "I don't really see my Steve doing this sort of thing. At least I never imagined it before, our life like this. He's really sweet with his niece, Joan, but… this is different," she realized. "This is a family, _our _family."

Steve abandoned the Lakeside Lodge construction as he leaned forward and cupped her cheek. She felt him hesitate for a moment, knowing exactly what he wanted. Catherine closed her eyes and pressed her lips against his. Their kiss was gentle and warm, though somewhat tentative. But his lips felt the same against hers as she'd always remembered. "Sorry," he pulled back to look at her. "I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable in any way…"

Catherine shushed him as she initiated a second kiss.

000

"Merry Christmas," he whispered, pressing a lingering kiss against her neck as their naked bodies clung to one another, "Last night was…"

She grinned, rolling onto her side and allowing their legs to intertwine, "You liked that early Christmas present?"

"Very much," Steve nodded, "It seems like a long time since we've… since the sex has been that good."

Catherine frowned a little, "Really? I'm pretty sure sex with you is always that good."

His smile faltered a little. "I didn't mean to imply that it's ever bad, just… between baby Tessa and you being back at work we haven't had much sex this past year," Steve relayed.

"Huh," she laid her head against his shoulder, rested a hand atop his bare chest. "Now I'm starting to think your reality isn't so great after all," Catherine spoke in a teasing manner. "I can't imagine sex ever being put on the back burner of our lives. If that's what having kids means then…"

Steve pulled away from her a little, a deep frown marring his handsome features. "Catherine, I love you. And I love sex with you, but I… I wouldn't trade Delaney or Tessa for going back to the days of dating and regular sex," he sighed. "Maybe that sounds strange to you. I know you still don't seem to remember me or the girls, or this life we've created here, but I happen to love this life very much."

"I'm sorry, I never meant to…" Catherine sighed, seeing she'd upset him. "This is just new to me," she expressed, "You as a devoted daddy."

"And devoted husband," he insisted.

Their difficult conversation became a bit more compromised when a blur in pink pajamas came rushing into the room and belly flopped onto their bed. "It's Christmas!" Delaney exclaimed, jumping up and down at the foot of their bed.

Catherine snatched up the covers, keeping herself concealed. She caught Steve laughing as he noticed her embarrassment. "This is why we don't sleep naked anymore," he whispered against her ear. He kissed her cheek, not seeming upset about their conversation any more.

Soft jabbering noises could be heard from somewhere nearby and Catherine turned to find a baby monitor on her bedside table. She picked it up and smiled listening to Tessa.

"Someone woke up happy for Christmas," Steve grinned as he leaned forward and got Delaney to settle down. "Princess, I need you to go into the nursery and stay with Tessa for a few minutes. Mommy and I will be in there real soon," he promised. "No peeking over the railing, and do not head downstairs without us," Steve instructed.

"Okay, daddy," the girl nodded. She jumped off the edge of the bed and ran out of the room.

A few seconds later they could hear the older girl talking to her sister, "Mommy and Daddy will be here soon, Tessa. Then we'll get to see what Santa brought. You don't know Santa yet, but he always brings good stuff…"

Steve threw back the covers. "I'd say we have about three minutes, tops, before she heads downstairs with or without us," he noted.

She watched him walk to the dresser, admiring his naked butt as he pulled clean boxer-briefs out of a drawer. He turned around and caught her ogling eyes. "I'm serious," Steve shook his head at her as he pulled the briefs on and then sweat pants and a t-shirt. "You're going to miss the Christmas morning frenzy if you don't get moving," he declared.

The doorbell rang and Catherine's brows arched. "That would be your parents," he said.

"It's only five-thirty," Catherine groaned as she reluctantly got out of bed, still tired from not getting enough sleep the last two nights, and worn out after just one day of playing mommy with the girls. She found underwear, yoga pants and a green t-shirt that seemed Christmas-y enough. The sound of the front door opening and closing caused her to cast Steve another questioned glance. "Are they breaking in?"

"They have a key," Steve said. "Ringing the bell is just a courtesy." He stood behind her, arms snaked about her waist and chin resting against her left shoulder. They walked that way into the hall. "You want to go down and make sure the tree is lit? Or do you want to get the girls?" Even as the second question left his lips they could see from over the balcony railing that her parents had just lit the tree. "Guess that means we both get to walk the girls down," he grinned.

Christmas morning gift opening seemed to be over before it began, a whirlwind of wrapping paper and toys strewn about the living room in record time.

Catherine's mom warmed cinnamon rolls and made coffee and tea, set out juice and fed the baby her morning bottle as Steve and Catherine played with Delaney. The three of them took the whole Cottontail family on vacation to the Lakeside Lodge. There was make-believe water skiing, swimming and a very ruckus jet boat ride enacted by Steve across the hardwood floor. Catherine sat through most of it, mesmerized by Steve's interactions with his daughter.

Two hours after the gifts they finally managed to break Delaney away from the Lodge to eat something. They were all eating when the doorbell rang again.

"I'll get it," Catherine offered, feeling much more at ease with her alternate life.

She answered the door and was a bit overwhelmed to see John McGarrett standing before her, alive and smiling.

"Merry Christmas," he greeted, stepping into the house.

"Hey, dad," Steve entered the room and hugged his father. "Merry Christmas," he smiled.

She watched the two of them, her heart happy to see Steve with his father on Christmas. "Mr. McGarrett, it's nice to… nice to see you again," Catherine wasn't sure what to say to the man. According to her memories she'd only met Steve's father once before he'd died. And it was extremely uncomfortable to be standing before him now when the last Christmas she could recall had involved putting flowers on the man's grave.

John turned to his son with a questioning look. "What is this Mr. McGarrett business?" he asked, eyeing Catherine again.

"Remember, dad," Steve pressed a hand against his father's shoulder. "I told you Catherine had a small accident day before last."

"Right," John nodded. He immediately stepped forward and wrapped Catherine up in a big bear hug, pressing a kiss to her cheek, "Hope you're feeling better, sweetie," the man said before taking a step back. "Steve mentioned your memories being a bit scattered, so as a refresher… you've been calling me dad since you and Steve married," he grinned.

Catherine immediately felt relaxed at the ease with which John spoke to her. His warm, loving hug had been so freely given. They certainly did seem to be on close terms. "Well, in that case," she smiled. "I'm really glad you're here today… dad," she found she rather liked calling him that.

"Grampy!" an excited voice called out, taking center stage away from the grown-ups. Delaney shot out of the dining area and straight into her grandfather's waiting arms. "Grampy, you're finally here!" the four-year-old snuggled against his chest, her arms wrapped tightly about his neck.

"How's my favorite granddaughter this morning?" John asked.

The girl's eyes widened. "Grampy, you can't say that no more… what abouts baby Tessa?" she asked.

"Oh, dear," he replied. "That was a bit of a slip, wasn't it?" John realized. "And you're very sweet to be looking out for your baby sister," he noted. "Hmm, I guess that makes you my favorite four-year-old granddaughter, and Tessa my favorite baby granddaughter," John corrected.

"And what does that make me," a voice called from the open front doorway. Catherine turned to see Doris standing there with a stack of gifts in her arms.

John rushed to help his wife. "My little pack mule?" he teased her with a wink and kissed the woman's cheek.

When Doris didn't punch the man for his teasing comment, Catherine knew she'd somehow ended up in an extremely alternated reality.

000

The week between Christmas and New Years went by slowly.

Catherine spent long, lazy days getting to know the girls better. She played dolls and games with Delaney. Read stories to Tessa and watched the baby learn how to pull herself up to a standing position, clearly gearing up for walking in a few more months. Taking them down to the beach to build sand castles or chase waves. Bathing them before bedtime and tucking them in at night, kissing their cheeks and wondering how she could ever forget giving birth to them.

And she learned more about her past with Steve, how he'd been promoted to Captain recently. The trip they'd taken to New Zealand for their honeymoon. The hiking and sightseeing they'd done there, and the exploration of every small detail of each other's bodies. The day she'd told him they were expecting Delaney, just about six weeks after their honeymoon. She learned that Steve had discovered a type of tea that helped with her morning sickness and that he gave amble foot and back massages.

She smiled to think about all of it, a lifetime wrapped up in a week's worth of stories.

Catherine smiled even brighter as she watched him walk down to the beach toward her now.

A blanket had been spread out on the sand, and an inky sky stretched above them. Only a bit of soft light from the back of the house helped them see the water's edge. "Happy New Year's Eve," he grinned, kneeling down in front of her on the blanket. Steve sat a baby monitor on the blanket before he presented a small box to her. "More importantly, Happy 5th Anniversary," he added, handing over the box.

"It's our anniversary?" Catherine took the box. "We got married on New Year's Eve?"

"We each said 'I do' almost exactly at midnight so we could celebrate both days. But we went with December 31st as the date for the legal stuff," Steve explained as he waved a hand at the box, "You going to open it?"

She opened the box and looked down at the necklace. The simple pendant was made of polished, carved wood in a looping twist design. "This is gorgeous," she remarked.

Steve took the necklace from the box and shifted so he could drape it around her neck and secure it with the clasp. "I actually bought this when we were on our honeymoon, five years ago. The twist is a Maori design that represents the union of two individuals," he relayed.

"And you kept it all this time?" Catherine was touched.

"I knew we'd make it five years," Steve smiled as he kissed her softly for a moment. "And I see us doing this again in another five years, and five more after that…"

Catherine reclined against the blanket and drew him down atop her. For the first time in days she hoped that maybe this was the reality she was meant to be in, "I hope so, too." She pressed her lips against his as the distant New Year's fireworks began to shoot off.

Sparks of silver, red and blue light filled the night sky.

000

She blinked once. Twice. Finally her eyes opened enough to focus.

His face was the first thing she saw, smiling and yet concerned all at the same time. "Hi there," Steve greeted her. "How you feeling?" he reached over to gingerly touch the left side of her head. "The stitches aren't pretty, but the doctor says you're lucky it wasn't worse. You've got a bit of a nasty concussion, been in and out the last few hours," Steve explained. "They want to keep you overnight just to be on the safe side," he let her know. "Which I know you'll probably protest, but…"

"What just happened?" Catherine interrupted him, disoriented again. "Where am…" she looked around, seeing that the beach was gone. It had been replaced by a stark white room, a hospital bed and a window view of the downtown skyline. "This isn't right. We were just on the beach… you and me…" she sat up, feeling a little woozy, her head pounding. "Steve, where are the girls?" her heart raced as she thought about the last place she'd been, in the backyard of their house, New Year's fireworks overhead.

"That idiot bashed your head against a metal column, rang your bell pretty good, but you're okay," he tried to assure her, taking her hand in his.

Her stomach was tied in a knot as she glanced at her left hand and found it bare. She clutched her chest, but there was no wooden necklace, "The girls… they need me, they need their…" she stopped short of saying the word, _mommy_.

Steve sat forward a little more, still squeezing her hand in a comforting manner. "I don't know who you're talking about," he tried to understand, "You, Chin and I where the only ones at the pier this afternoon, aside from those drug dealers. Clearly things didn't go as planned and you… well, heck of a way to ring in the New Year, huh?"

"It's New Years?" she tried to focus on that simple fact.

"New Year's Eve," he glanced down at his watch, "At least for the next five minutes."

"None of it was real, was it?" Catherine whispered as her memories of the dream were already starting to fade. "Not the girls or… it felt so real," her heart was heavy, a sense of loss settling in for a life she'd been afraid to accept but had fallen in love with. "Steve," she looked him in the eye. "Do you ever wonder if our lives would be different now if…"

"If what?" Steve asked, not having any idea where she was headed with the thought.

"Maybe if… what if your mom hadn't faked her death, or if your dad hadn't died?" Catherine bravely posed the questions. She watched him for a moment, uncertain about how he'd react, especially to the part about his dad. "Do you think you'd be happier if your parents were still married? Maybe we would've been married by now and had a couple of kids."

Steve shook his head as he reached out to caress her cheek. "Cath, I'm not sure what prompted these 'what if' questions but… you know if my mom hadn't faked her death my dad never would've sent Mary and me away. I never would've been at that military academy in California, probably never would've joined the Navy. I imagine I might've stayed here, maybe eventually joined the force like my dad. But thinking about that means… Catherine, if I hadn't joined the Navy that most likely means you and me…"

"We probably never would've met," she finally realized the true implication, the one her dream had expertly glossed over.

"What brought all this on?" Steve asked. "You sure you're feeling okay? Should I call in a nurse?"

She smiled, squeezing his hand, relieved to have him there with her no matter what reality she was in. "My head is fine. I just had a really strange dream. But I'm here with you on New Year's Eve. You have no idea how happy that makes me," Catherine said as she shifted in the hospital bed to make room beside her. She was pleased when he readily settled down next to her. "Steve, do you…" she was still a bit curious about the dream. "Do you know anyone named Delaney or Tessa?"

"Um…" he thought about it for a few moments. "No, pretty sure I don't."

"I don't either," she responded, "I wonder where we came up with those names."

"You lost me," his head shook.

With a dismissive sigh she rested her head against his shoulder. "Are you happy, Steve?"

He wasn't sure where that question had come from either. "To be honest, I'd be happier if you hadn't volunteered for that undercover assignment two days ago," he replied. "You ending up in a hospital bed for the second time this year has made me more than a little grumpy."

"But there was no one else," Catherine found she remembered every detail about the case. "Danny went away with Grace to Japan. Kono is still off searching for Adam. You can't ever go undercover because everyone on this island knows you. Which only left…"

Steve knew exactly why she hesitated to say his name. "I know you took on the assignment because of Chin, after what happened to him at Christmas. I can't really be mad at you for that. But what happened a week ago wasn't your fault, Cath," he assured her. "The two of you randomly divided up checking those houses and there was no way you could've known Chin would end up getting hurt the way he did."

"I should've had his back, but I didn't," she gulped, no amount of free lunch making up for the fact, "Just like I didn't…"

"You weren't responsible for Billy's death any more than you were for Chin getting hurt," Steve knew exactly what was bothering her. "This year's been difficult, but not because of anything you did or didn't do," he closed his eyes and held her for a while, "It's also been a very good year because I have you closer. I am happy, Catherine," Steve grinned. "I'm spending New Year's in bed with a smart, sexy, strong-willed woman who I…" he shifted to his side so he could look her in the eye. "A woman I love very much."

She smiled to hear those words from him for the first time, the real Steve; _her_ Steve.

Catherine thought about her dream again, but realized her reality was just as good, if not better. She already had a family that loved her, and that she loved; a family she hoped to protect for years to come. "I love you, too," Catherine echoed his sentiment.

Her lips connected with his, bestowing a gentle kiss that intensified as the New Year's fireworks began to shoot off.

Sparks of silver, red and blue filled the night sky outside the hospital window.

* * *

**The End**


End file.
